Your Fear of Being Wrong is The Problem.

I had a dream.

I'm walking through the moonlit forest and I feel a tug at my leg. Gentle at first then its aggression escalates. I look down to see a coyote trying to pull me to the ground and drag me into the bushes.

I start striking it with my hands but it doesn't have much effect. In frustration I walk away and grab all the weapons I can carry. A hammer, an axe, a sword, a hatchet, a steel mace, and more.

And as I'm returning to the coyote while hugging all these weapons God appears before me and says "Stop. Why so many weapons? You only need one."

I glance at the weapons I'm carrying before looking back at God and asking "Which one is best?"

Indecision plagues us all.

We're afraid of making the wrong choice so we prolong our suffering by weighing the options. We try to find that one piece of evidence that makes the right choice obvious. We make pros/cons lists, talk to more people, do more research etc.

But we often run out of time before we gain that information and we're forced to make a split decision. And like all those times in the past, we get smacked in the face with the consequences. This perpetuates the cycle of indecision and deepens our fear of being wrong.

We've all been at this crossroads before. Some are major decisions like where you should go to school or if you should stay in the relationship. Some are minor ones like should you go to your favourite burger joint or try the new one that just opened. It's at these crossroads where we experience the most literal form of mental torture. Yet we often stay here for so long. Why?

This bleak feeling can last weeks, months, and years in some cases. Chances are you're experiencing it right now to some degree and you're a little bothered I'm bringing it up.

But keep reading it gets better I promise.

Let's start with first getting a better understanding of what indecision is.

At its root, indecision is the fear of making the wrong choice. It's a fear of regret, and a fear of wasting time and energy. What if our choice takes us down the wrong path and by the time we realize it we've wasted months or even years of our lives?! This possibility chills us to the bone. There's nothing more terrifying than wasting time in our finite life.

So what do we typically do?

We do everything in our power to delay and avoid making a choice. While the suffering of indecision is brutal we're convinced that making the wrong choice is even worse. So we think and think and think until hopefully, by some miracle, the 'right' choice becomes obvious to us. But if you've been around for at least a decade you know damn well that is never the case.

What's the alternative?

Decisive people are not better decision makers. In fact they make their choices just like you - with missing information. The key difference is what they do after a decision is made.

Here's the thing: people who are indecisive put the bulk of the importance on the decision itself. They see this crossroads as the deciding factor of how it will all unfold - decisive people are different.

They place the bulk of the importance on how they move forward once a decision is made. They commit to a decision and continually put in the effort to make it the right choice. They don't expect it to be inherently right from the beginning.

Indecisive people say: I don't want to make the wrong choice
Decisive people say: I will make the choice work.

At their core, decisive people are willing to navigate the discomfort of being wrong. They believe in their ability to handle the consequences and pivot as needed. Because of this they expand their awareness and enjoy more fulfilling experiences.

So going back to my dream, to that moment where I asked God “Which one is best?” The response I got is this:

“The one you choose.”

How to be more decisive

It's not about the choice itself but how you move forward once a choice is made. Transfer the weight of importance from the decision to what you do after the decision.

The question isn't 'Do I choose A or B?' it's 'Am I going to support myself no matter what I choose?'

Understand there is no right or wrong choice. No good or bad. Rather each option has advantages and disadvantages. When making a choice the important thing to focus on is your ability to leverage the pros and mitigate the cons.

Start small and take chances. This is how you learn navigate the consequences and develop your self-trust.

If you enjoyed this read feel free to share it, post about it and tag me on IG/Threads: @aribeing. You can also message me with your thoughts and feedback :)

Until next week <3