How I broke my brain for 15 seconds

With eyes closed I start yelling.

NOW I AM THE VOICE!
I AM A FORCE FOR GOOD!
I WILL CREATE NOT DESTROY!
I WILL BELIEVE NOT DOUBT!
SET A NEW STANDARD!
STEP UP! STEP UP! STEP UP!

My throat is sore, and my head hurts.

I yell again, NOW I AM THE VOICE...

and again.

and again.

The pressure in my skull is so dense it feels as though my brain is trying to bust out by pushing in every direction. With each consecutive round of yelling the headache intensifies, sometimes to the point of nearly blacking out.

My mind is desperately trying its best to control the situation, "Why are you doing this? you're hurting yourself, take it easy."

Tony keeps pushing us though, "Again." he says.

And just as my mind was getting a grip on the situation "Okay surely you've done enough now." I hear a voice in the deep recesses of my skull whisper "There's more in you".

This inspires me.

I feel a door open and a rush of energy flows through it. I fill my lungs to their depths. I begin to yell as loud as I can and as I do I bend forward and force the air out of me with such ferocity as though my vocal-chords are the enemy.

NOWWWWWW IIII AAAAMMMM THHEEEE VOOIIIIIICCCEEEEE!!!

And in this moment of pushing past the mind, past what is reasonable, past what is ‘enough’, it happens...

My brain explodes.

I see colours everywhere and lose all sense of orientation. I fall backwards onto the couch with my arms in the air like a toddler waiting to be raised. My body floods with euphoria and I feel it rushing through every cell in my body.

I laugh and cry uncontrollably.

For a solid 15 seconds I'm in a full blown psychedelic state and all I could do is observe the beauty of life. The beauty of this experience, of this moment. The beauty of me - a beauty I struggled to see for so long.

In that moment I realized the mind builds walls that look like mirrors. They give you the perception of an ever expanding space while in reality keeping you cooped up in a hen-house. So when I chose to push, and keep pushing (even though it hurt on so many levels), real change came about.

I shattered the glass walls and as I did the stale air of my repeating patterns and beliefs was aired out and for the first time in a long time I remembered what it meant to breathe.

All the effort, all the pain, the discomfort, fighting against the mind, was all worth it because for a brief window of time - I experienced the vastness of our unbound potential.

It’s delicate, yet fierce.

Maybe that's why the mind builds these walls in the first place - there's no sense of self without a reference point and within an ever-expanding source where can ‘I’ exist?

We create these walls to feel comfortable, but often times this space of safety grows into a prison and we develop a form of Stockholm syndrome where we defend our chains like long lost lovers.

Even now I can see my mind picking up the shattered pieces, hastily gluing them back together. So each day I actively speak into my new awareness. I get big in posture, loud in voice, high in energy and retell the mind: now I am the voice.

"You're in the passenger seat now, and I will listen to you like a king listens to their advisor but the final decision is mine and you will respect it."

This is the key: you must voluntarily accept the risks of crossing this line and bear the burden of all the potential consequences that come with it. It's the only true freedom that exists.

If you recognize the ways that your mind has made you a prisoner here's my advice: Fight.

Bring yourself to the point of exhaustion, to the point where your mind stops telling you what to do and starts negotiating. And when it begins to bargain that's when you have it on the ropes - keep pushing.

Recognize this is not your limit but the boundaries of your mind - a line in the sand drawn for your "safety".

The truth I’ve discovered is that beyond the boundaries of our mind is where we develop our sovereignty.

Every time we step outside our defined limits and hold our ground the mind has no choice but to integrate this new territory. Only through these continuous acts bravery can we expand our consciousness.

So keep going, Kings and Queens.

Keep fighting.
Keep breaking.
Keep expanding the land under your rule.
And may you bless those around you in the process.